Photos for poets

julia_blaukopf_batik

Visual art inspires me to write, in some ways more reliably than other writer’s poetry. I tend to get stuck in imitations of other writers’ styles, which is like producing a piece of amber with a mashed leaf inside, instead of growing a live plant. Inspiration from visual art is more visceral. You get to come at the impression sideways.

Which brings me to my friend Julia Blaukopf’s book The Rain Parade, a photographic journal of her four months in Ghana.

At times, photography feels sterile to me, and I think it’s because our visual culture is so overloaded with perfect photos: images that are either a) intentionally stripped of emotion or b) overloaded with manipulation to get you to buy something. What I love about Julia’s photographs is that they’re full of feeling but they never force you. They’re not what you’d call pictures of Ghana; they’re more impressions of Ghana. There’s a gentleness and immediacy in them, almost a child’s-eye view of the dusty streets, fishermen working their nets on a beach, a woman making batik fabric. They’re saturated but calm, which come to think of it, is kind of like Julia.

julia_blaukopf_fisherman

 

Creativity and confidence

Recently I stumbled upon a conversation on Gawker: a young guy was really upset that he lacked confidence. And the other commenters were sympathetic, and giving him good advice like – try therapy, do something you love and become expert at it, and “fake it till you make it”. But he kept responding, “But I don’t have confidence, and it feels impossible to get it.” His feeling of desperation was palpable, and extremely familiar. I regularly feel this way about my confidence in my writing.

It’s all very well to “fake it till you make it”, but honestly, just like that anonymous commenter, I’d much rather just feel that sense of certainty that my work was worthwhile. Even if people thought I was arrogant for it. A healthy self-doubt is helpful. But a constant, grinding sense of not being good enough is a giant de-motivator for me. And I’m not talking about the need to improve my technique or improve the clarity of my writing or just work harder in general (I need to do all of these), but the feeling that my voice and my way of looking at things has no merit.

Do you feel confidence in your art form? And if so, how did you acquire that confidence? And if not, how do you establish it? Do you think it’s necessary? Is it possible that some of the most successful artists have no confidence at all?

Learning how not to write

How do you write a poem? A poem is about connecting with life more intensely. Emotion, relation, physical reality – connecting with those things. That’s what a poem is. It’s heightened awareness. And when I force myself to write poems, I’m reaching for the result of that awareness, instead of approaching the source. The source is that particular state of mind. So I think I’ve been going about it all wrong. I want to be writing the lines of poetry. Like this:

Rain smell

line of poetry

shells of memories telling an ocean

I want that act. But that act is the result of an internal shift that happens. And I’m not going into that state often enough. I’m not managing that well at all. It’s all very well to read old drafts and begin to make them better. But the creation of something totally new is different. It’s crucial. It’s so fragile.